I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
