you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
