We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
