i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
