Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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