fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
