bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
