FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
