Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
