i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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