just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
