I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
