How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
