So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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