Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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