So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
