sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
