I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
