Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
