Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
