I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
