Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
and you fell through a lawn chair
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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