Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
