even my farts smell like vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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