i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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