I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
