She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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