I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
