My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
