So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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