I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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