I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
