my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
