Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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