$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
