I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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