Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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