Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
