We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
