So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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