Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
