drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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