Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
