I want to have your abortion
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
