theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
