Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
