Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
