If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
