I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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