My hand turned me down
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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