You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
