i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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